The first Monday of the year has passed, which wasn’t much of a Monday. Many people didn’t even have to go to work. So I joined them by procrastinating all day. First, I daydreamed of riding a Giraffaloupe topless into Northern Russia. I was disturbed by an untimely shiver, and the dream was lost forever. That took about 12 seconds. Second, I decided to play coy when Mocha inquired about the hack-job I did to the shower curtain so that she couldn’t saunter into the bathtub like Mr. KoolAid. That was a solid 8 minutes because I had to watch that video a few times. Finally, I spent the rest of the day coming up with 2017 prediction categories that I could share WikaWitaWid style.
Giraffaloupe (noun):  an extremely rare hybrid species formed by a giraffe and a cantaloupe, not to be confused with the similar sounding Giraffalope, where the parents are a giraffe and an antelope.  what you see if you drink too much KoolAid.
What I Know
- Barack Obama will not be the president of the United States after January 20th
- The ocean will continue to fool us by looking blue, actually being clear, and slowly eating away our coastline
- Bruno Mars will continue to look good in any hat he wears
- The Chicago Bears will not win the Superbowl
What I Think
- Donald Trump, against all odds, will not get impeached and the economy will rise temporarily
- He will, however, add to the confusion around climate change, much to the delight of the Russian government, which may be able to soon promise a summer breeze to its citizens
- And be the first president ever to don a red cap in a business meeting, even though his hair is gorgeous and could maybe by itself steal a Grammy away from Bruno Mars
- The PGA Tour will not brand itself as the official sponsor for the office of the president
What I Do
- Thank Obama for his eight years and thank the fake news sites for all the upcoming material
- Teach people that compost is not a computerized post
- Buy a chartreuse fedora
- Not start watching NASCAR; it’s slower than golf!
Spread the good news,