McDare Me

Yes. With a side of yes. I love our world. Only here on Earth can a fast food chain elbow its way to the front row of the Vatican City. How did this even come up as an idea? I would love to see the minutes from that McDonald’s executive meeting. Also, I’m no economic juggernaut, but I’d be lying if I said that money wasn’t the first, second and third top reasons on the pro-side of the argument.

McDare (verb): to challenge a company to place one of its stores in a ridiculous location

What I Know
I know that, despite having a celebrated farm, McDonald is not in any ancient religious texts, EIEIO. Neither is the Burger King or a bell made of tacos. So the inevitable backlash is completely warranted when those three duke it out on the city border. As for the other chains, Wendy has an outside chance of being a notable character in history. I know the number of gourmet restaurants has increased with time, so the probability of chicken filet mentions increases simultaneously. Jack out of a box was for sure in a couple texts, but in the box is a different story. Jack off on the box, while unavoidable as the next train of thought for a 6 year old like myself, is potentially offensive and ultimately not a restaurant. Bojangles is laughable. Unless people named their camels back then. That would be a game changer for everyone involved. Subway is much too modern. Panera is closer to the ancient time period, but bread is at yeast a few centuries away (you’re welcome). All in all, I could have picked a more suitable eatery for that location.

What I Think
I think if someone could leak that pro/con list from the McDonald’s archive, they might be paid handsomely. If there isn’t a mention of renovating the gates into golden arches, then I will personally walk into the McDonalds headquarters and fire everyone. I don’t think I can legally do that, but I would definitely record the attempt.

What I Do
Listen as the world actually goes up in flames because some creature from the underworld has had enough. Appropriately, the creature would be a camel named Bonjangles. Payback is a bitch.


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